Walking After You
by inaburningroom
Summary: Edward promised that he would never leave Bella, but what if her life really IS in danger this time? Will he keep one of his other promises? The only other thing Bella can hold on to...
1. Chapter 1 Somewhere Only We Know

It was bittersweet, I'll admit. The sun was bright that morning, but by noon those ubiquitous clouds that I had come to associate with good days had crept in. Our plans were not to be dashed that day, as they had been so many times before. If you were a normal inhabitant of Forks, Washington, sunny days might seem as few and far between as weekends seem to a high school student, but for me, they came far too often. On sunny days he would always be on guard, on edge. Around me there was always that underlying struggle of holding something back on his face, and I despised those days that there was an even more apparent one.

To make things even worse, Charlie would always be on top of me on those sunny days. "You're going to spend the entire day inside the Cullen's house? What a waste of the sun! Why don't you come down to La Push and fish with Billy, Jake and me?" His not so subtle attempts to redirect my time spent with Edward to time spent with Jacob Black were wasted upon me. By now he had become accustomed to my "you can't be serious" look and subsequent swift exits.

Anyways, I don't have a great liking for sunny days…but thankfully this wasn't one of them.

I didn't bother calling the Cullen house to alert them of my impending arrival…one of the perks of having a family member who can see the future. I stood at the front door of that grand house that had slowly become home to me for a moment, allowing the shrill whisper of wind rock me backwards and forwards, for a moment relishing in my humanity. When I was around Edward and his "family" I could often find myself resenting the blood that ran through my veins, the very substance which permitted me to live on as such a clumsy, injury attracting being. So before I spent any amount of time staring perfection in the face, I tried to find something about being myself that I actually liked. Sometimes it was the way steam would collect around my warm fingertips against the cool glass of a Forks windowpane…sometimes it was knowing that merely a whiff of my blood sent Edward, the impenetrable fortress, jump a million miles into the sky.

But as I stood in the January chill, it was the feeling of being breakable. It would be something to remember once Edward held true to his promise, once I was a nonliving, non-breathing member of his coven.

I didn't have much longer to ruminate. As I'd expected, Alice had alerted the family of my arrival, and in less than a moment, the door was opened before I had the chance to knock. Sometimes the sight of him was too much to take without preparing myself. His presence was enough to make me weak in the knees. To know that this being of such physical perfection was mine…all mine to lie with in the cold Washington nights, all mine to kiss and hold, all mine forever…at least, soon.

"Bella," he sighed, his arms around me like a heavy winter coat, sheltering if not warm, encasing me in his skin. His voice sounded like melting chocolate no matter what words he spoke, but hearing him say my name made this whole fuzzy dream snap into place. For so long I convinced myself that perfection like this would never come to someone like me, that one day I would open my eyes to my old bedroom ceiling in Arizona. For so long I cried inside, sure that all of this would be taken from me in a cruel jump to reality. For so long I wasted time I could be enjoying, until I decided that if I were in a dream, it had been much too long for me to wake up now.

He had pulled away, one of those grins that cause me the greatest joy and greatest confusion plastered on his face. "You smell especially delightful today," he said, weaving his long fingers through the strands of my hair the wind had blown into my face and gently tucking them behind my ear.

I blushed, another one of those cursed human flaws, looking down at his feet, "I'm sorry," I mumbled.

He laughed, and where I might once feel childish and inadequate, I felt light, "I only meant your perfume," he restated, leaning towards my neck before stopping to take a deep inhale. His blue-white eyelids closed and his neck tensed. I felt the bridge of his nose behind my ear, a gentle breath let out along my shoulder, "Though I hate to say you are still as tempting as ever on that front."

Apparently it was impossible for Edward, having been a vampire for so long, to realize what that show of breathtaking romance could do to a teenage human girl. He grabbed my hand immediately, striding past me and towards the cars before I had even a second to recover. "Where are we going?" I asked, nothing to do but fall in piteous step with him, my imprints a tiny joke inside his footprints in the snow.

We stopped abruptly. I nearly fell forward into him from the suddenness. Another one of those smirks and I would have followed him to the end of the earth, and damn it if he knew it too, "You'll find out soon enough."

A slow smile tripped across my face as we pulled into the woodsy setting. Living in Forks, you were never far from tall grass and leafy trees, but this secluded area had always sparked my interest as we zoomed past it on our way to the Cullen house. So many times, in the form of questions not asked for an answer, I'd inquired as to the business of that perfectly kept wooden cabin by the side of the lane. Edward had merely shrugged, "I suppose we'll never know."

But today we were to know. We slowed to a stop on a low patch of grass. When Edward moved his hand over the gearshift to secure the car in park, his eyes drew an invisible line up my arm and to my face. We exchanged knowing smiles, each opening our respective doors simultaneously. I had barely felt the crunch of snow beneath my feet before Edward was behind me, arms draped over my shoulders, "And you thought I wasn't listening," I could tell he was smirking by the tone of his voice as his words slipped out of his mouth against my neck.

"So what is it?" I whispered. He had shut my door and we were beginning to move together towards the brown shuttered door.

He reached an arm out towards the rusted doorknob, bringing his lips over to trace my earlobe as he did so, "It's ours."

It was a blissful day, one that I was sure I would never (or ever want to) forget. I didn't get any closer towards bringing Edward's guard down enough to give me the one thing I truly wanted…but what he gave me was enough. We tested those limits that he would trust himself with testing, which of course were never enough for me. It was one of the best days we'd spent together, mostly because it was wholly uninterrupted: no Charlie hovering above us, no Alice (as much as I loved her) flitting in and out, no one's thoughts fluttering through the air to distract Edward. He was left alone in his vast mind with his own thoughts; ones that he took great care to share with me throughout the day. I learned as much as he would give me. He told me about the life he could remember in Chicago, how the inside of this cabin reminded him of a country home his parents would take him to during his teenaged summers. I listened, intent on memorizing everything about him. As we lay together in the tangled sheets, warm from the heat of my body, we promised to return every year, no matter what directions our lives ended up taking, because we believed they would always be together.

I'm trying to keep my promise, and that's why I'm here. That's why now, a year after that blissful day, I'm pulling up to this cabin in the car that used to be his, praying to God that somehow he's made true on his end. But knowing in my heart that I am a fool


	2. Chapter 2 December

I had called Charlie to let him know that I was "staying over at Jessica's" and Edward and I had spent the entire night in each other's arms. Our light banter and gentle caresses continued all evening and through the morning. It wasn't until we had turned onto the drive up to the Cullen's that I felt his hand tense around mine while he held my fragile fingers above the gearshift. The car stopped abruptly, "Bella, you need to stay by my side," he said, quite seriously, "Do you understand? Do not let go of my hand once we get out of the car."

It sure was a hassle being the only one around who remained complete oblivious, with no exciting mental powers to assist me. "Edward, what's going on?" I queried, knowing that I would get little to no answer from him.

_"Do you understand?" _he repeated, parking the car a bit farther from the house than he would normally.

I sighed. It had become easier for me to accept his secrecy once I knew that I would one day be privy to everything. "I understand," I said feebly, reaching for the door, even though it was a lost cause. He was by my side, open door held with his arm, giving me a "speed it up" look.

"Yeah, yeah," I mumbled, stepping out, still convinced that whatever he was getting so worked out about was not that terrible, "As long as I'm still human, you're gonna have to get used to this."

His words as we made our collective way to the door were so quiet I can't say for sure what they were, but I swear it sounded something like, "Not for much longer."

"Where are they?" he asked Alice as she appeared at the door before we had knocked. Apparently I would be let in on the secret quite soon.

"In the study," she said quietly, looking at me with pity in her eyes. She must have been able to see the confusion in mine. I tried to read anything else into her expression. Nothing ever got the Cullens up in arms like this, what with Alice and Edward, it was not very often that anything caught them by surprise. Somewhere deep in my mind, I know that I understood what was going on in that moment, but I wouldn't let myself believe it. "We shouldn't waste time," she shook the soft eyes off her face, "They're getting impatient."

Even if there had been time inside all of this confusion for me to ask anymore questions about what was going on, I don't think I would have. I was quite scared enough to know that whatever thing had brought such alarm to all of the Cullens was merely a door away. He turned to me just as his hand reached the knob of the heavy study door, but I knew the words his lips were straining to form. I grabbed his hand tightly to let him know that I would never let go. Surely, even if he didn't have such heightened senses, he would be able to feel the violent up and down pitter pats of my heart exploding all the way out to my fingertips. I just wanted him to turn around and tell me that everything was going to be okay, this would all be over in a few minutes.

He did no such thing. Instead he brought our entwined hands to his cold lips and gently sealed the spaces between our fingers with a kiss. I shivered, wanting to get past this terrifying state of limbo.

As if he really could read my thoughts, the doorknob turned underneath Edward's hands and suddenly, I knew. And I wished that I didn't. I wished that we had never left our cabin, that I had kept him there forever, back to where things like this didn't exist…where he was as close to human as he would allow himself to be. A world where creatures like Felix and Jane did not become the surprise waiting for you behind a harmless study door.

The looks traded between the various nonhumans in the room, as well as Edward's unintelligible mumblings, told me that they had no intention of letting me in on the purpose of this visit. I wanted to tear my hair out. Jane kept looking at me, then Edward would shoot her a glance, and with a bemused smile she would turn away. I knew they were talking about me, I wasn't that dim, but of course no one thought it would be worth it to let me be privy to these conversations.

Suddenly, Edward's grip on my hand tightened until I let out a gasp and he loosened his fingers. He narrowed his eyes at Jane and a growl began from the back of his throat, "No," he hissed lowly, "No."

Jane merely shrugged, arranging her hands in a manner that led me to the conclusion that she was offering him an impossible proposition. My eyes were beginning to grow tired from all of this back and forth. I looked to Carlisle for any kind of hint, to Esme for some kind of emotional explanation, to Edward for just a moment of thought to the poor human girl subject to her own feelings by his side. None of them would surrender any bit for me. "STOP THIS!" I screamed, unable to control myself any longer, "Someone tell me what's going on!"

It shocked even myself that I was relieved to see Jane appear to loosen up, preparing to give me an answer, but of course that notion was squashed as soon as it had begun. Edward turned to her, another one of those deathly glares turned in her direction, "I will do it," he said quietly, his voice not without the edge that told me this "it" was not going to end up well for either of us. He pulled me close to him, using his other hand to thread its way through my hair.

The way he looked at me, I could picture his lips whispering against my ear "Sweet Bella…my dear Bella…I will love you forever," but that's not what he said. What he said sent chills down my spine, sent me careening for despair in the second before he leapt into invisible action. I had only heard those words once before, and they had begun the worst, the lowest point of my life, one that I felt sure was to be repeated now.

"Be safe," he whispered against my temple, cold lips disappearing into my hairline, before he disappeared from before me, along with Jane and Felix. Only the icy feel of my cursed blood running through my veins was left to remind me of him. I crumpled to the floor, too weak and broken to cry anymore. Esme took my arm and helped me somewhere. I don't know where, the next few days were a blur. All I knew was that I wanted to die. I wanted to throw myself off another cliff, spill my unwanted blood…rather than go through this again.

Yet, here I am.


	3. Chapter 3 I'm Sorry Now

"Bella, Bella honey, you need to get up," It seemed like these words were the only ones I knew to come from Alice's lips since

"Bella, Bella honey, you need to get up," It seemed like these words were the only ones I knew to come from Alice's lips since she had pulled me off the study floor and dragged me into this spare bedroom I'd never even seen before. I really still hadn't seen it, as all I'd seen since he had disappeared into thin air was the backs of my eyelids. I felt the mattress sag beneath me, the chunky knit of the quilt between my fingers as they opened and closed, coming to my face to wipe each new stream of tears. "Honey, Charlie's been calling for you for the past 4 hours. We need to get you home."

"I don't want to go home," I mumbled, pulling the blanket over my face, "I just want to wallow," I groaned.

Alice grunted, shoving me over onto my back, "Wallowing will do you no good. Open your eyes, Bells. You're going to have to sometime."

I did open them, only to bury myself in Alice's sweater, "Alice," I moaned, squeezing her as tightly as one can squeeze an immovable statue. I felt her tense with the shock of this outbreak, but just for a moment before her arms were wrapped as gently as she could around my back. She ran her hands through my hair, tucking my head into her neck.

"Yes, Bella?" she asked, voice gentler than I knew she could be.

"Tell me. Tell me, please," I whimpered, well aware of how incorrigibly pathetic I was being. At that point it didn't matter. Deep within me, I had to know. I had to know what had caused him to abandon me like that…again. I had to know that it was worth it. "Why?"

I felt Alice sit down beside me on the bed and take a deep breath. She explained, slowly and tirelessly, to a miserable, sobbing, poor human girl, why her love had left her. The Volturi had come again, made true to their promise. They'd made the decision quickly, after a job calming newborns in Vancouver proved easier than they'd expected, so Alice had never even suspected. Seeing me, obviously still a clumsy human, they'd immediately wanted to follow through on their i_other_/i promise as well. But Edward, foolish and irrational as always, had offered himself as the difference. Aro had always wanted Edward and his "special talents" enlisted as a member of the Volturi's guard and had accepted the offer immediately…or at least Alice had seen him being elated.

So Edward had leapt at the acceptance. Of course he had. That brilliant romantic inside of him had thought that it was the right thing to do. He couldn't have been more wrong. Hadn't he known that I would rather die, rather have my BLOOD SUCKED by a reckless vampire than live without him again? He knew what kind of debilitating pain I had been put through the last time. Hadn't he promised never to do that to me again? I should have known. I i_should have_/i known.

"I'm sorry Bella," Alice whispered as her explanation came to a close, "I know how you must be feeling, that hole in your heart, the mist in your head, but Edward was only doing what he knew he had to do to keep you safe. That's all he was trying to do."

"I know Alice," my body shuddered with my next exhale, "That doesn't make it any easier."

Somehow Alice and the rest of the Cullens got me back to Charlie's. Carlisle stayed in the kitchen, explaining to Charlie that Edward had been offered an amazing opportunity to study Medicine at Columbia with one of the most prestigious researchers in his field. What field that was I never found out. "Well, I didn't even know that Edward was interested in medicine," he said, leaning back in the kitchen chair, at least from what I could tell as we made our way slowly up the stairs.

"Family business," Carlisle offered as justification. He went on to say that Edward hadn't told me in advance, knowing how heartbroken I'd be. Charlie got a bit ruffled.

"He knows what happened the last time…how could he…I don't know if she can live through this again," I heard the slam of his hands on the kitchen table.

"Yes, Charlie," Carlisle said slowly, quietly, "It was a foolish thing for him to do, but I couldn't very well suggest he turn down such an opportunity."

"I know, I know," when Charlie spoke I knew that Jasper was still in the kitchen, calming him down to a more reasonable state. "I just can't bare to see Bella back in that state. I've seen more lively people in the ICU."

Carlisle sighed, and that's all I heard before Alice grabbed my shoulders and shoved me into my room. The less I knew the better; this was the Cullen family default setting. Alice helped me through the motions: a comb through my hair, a step beneath the showerhead, a pair of sweat pants pulled on. After, presumably, becoming more reassured by the perfect team of Carlisle and Jasper, Charlie wandered into the room with my favorite peanut butter and chocolate sandwiches. I wanted to refuse, but I knew that Charlie was going through, so I let Alice accept them with a smile.

She shoved the food into my mouth like a mother and her disobedient child. Soon it was all a wasted effort, I didn't want this anymore; I couldn't take this anymore. I tossed the why's and how's around and around in my head until they all blurred together. The tears fell and Alice was there, "I'm sorry Bella," she sighed, rocking me back and forth, patting my back, "I'm so sorry you've had this brought upon you."

* * *

**A/N: I'm so glad that you guys like this story! Next update might take a few more days, as I'm currently at an INTENSIVE writing program but I'm gonna try! As always, reviews help :D**


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guys

Hey guys! I'm so sorry I haven't been updating lately, I was at a writing program for 3 weeks and then I got caught up in the back home times. I'm so grateful to have such great readers and I want to repeat. I'M SORRY! Please hang in there, I love reviews, and there'll be a new chapter up within 24 hours :P


	5. Chapter 5 History Repeats

I'd thought that by now, Jacob would understand protocol. But then again, all he was ever dependable upon was surprising me. I heard the phone ring downstairs; so punctual I began using it as a clock, every hour on the hour. For the first few days, Charlie would wait until the fifth call of each day to come up and crack the door open. All Alice and I ever did was sit by each other in bed and read novel after novel, but he was always nervous to open the door much more. "It's Jake," he'd offer, half-heartedly, hoping that if this moping was taking on the same shape as last time's, my cure would fit the same mold as well.

This time was different. I had Alice. I had the Cullens. This time, Edward had not had as much time to figure out his torturous plan, to convince his family to leave me in cold blood, and this time, they were too apologetic to leave. Every few days, Emmett and Jasper would come to visit. I could feel Jasper sending his best feelings towards me, but the air around me seemed to suck it all up. They'd leave a few hours later, visibly disheartened. Rosalie never visited, but then again, I never expected her to. Esme and Carlisle were over nearly every day. I'm pretty sure they were all on high alert, waiting to find me hunched over my bloody wrists, or with empty bottles of Tylenol strewn across the bed.

Up until that point of my life, I'd always considered suicide an utterly selfish thing. I could never put that kind of a burden on Charlie and Renee, and I'd honestly never even considered it for myself. Well, that's a lie. Maybe I toyed with it…the last time. When Edward was around, it would seem a crime punishable with worse than death to take myself away from him. But when Edward left, if I hadn't had my Cullen support system, I might very well not be here today.

But it was no use. Alice would know as soon as I made the decision. Jasper would never let me get _that_ low. Carlisle would just find some miraculous way to fix me. I would just be that much more of a spectacle. Why bother with the pomp and circumstance? I would just die of desperation on my bed anyways.

"Oh Bella," Alice groaned. I'd reached the point where she could get exasperated with me without me taking offense, and she was going to milk it for all it was worth. "Don't give me this today. You are _going_ to school in 10 minutes whether you have proper clothes on or not." She pulled on my legs. Though she could have easily pitched me across the room, she kept it light, hoping that I would take some initiative and get myself up.

"Oh so this is what I missed out on in elementary school...Mom pulling me out of bed in the morning," I spoke to my pillowcase, my best friend these days. "Had to come some time I suppose…"

"ISABELLA!" Alice dropped my feet with an indignant scoff, reaching over and pulling me onto my back, no longer being gentle. "I am not your mother, don't try to insult me in that way, because it won't work. You haven't been to school in almost a week, and contrary to your popular belief of wallowing for the rest of your life, it is our intention to get you back on your feet. And we Cullens get what we want. So UP!"

I surprised even myself by jumping up, back and legs at a right angle, and willingly pouring myself into the clothes Alice had laid out. Apparently even my subconscious was on Team Cullen. But I trudged through the day. I watched my classmates work hard to avert their gazes as I slumped by, braced on one side by Alice, Emmett or Jasper. If I had any energy left after the crying and the sheer exhaustion of getting myself through a normal day, I would have tried to appear more normal, as close to myself as I could be. I hate being a spectacle, I really do, but I wasn't myself then.

"ALICE, DON'T DO THIS TO ME," I was screaming, I couldn't help it. I knew that look; she couldn't hide it from me. I saw her go somewhere far away for a moment, watched her in the mirror as she combed out my hair. Then I saw her lips tighten, felt her fingers get just that much tighter around the brush. She tried to convince me it was nothing, just some stock figures she needed to get to Carlisle, just a bit of a surprise, is all. But I knew she was lying to me.

"Bella, I'm sure that I'm wrong. It could be anything at this point…too foggy, too cloudy. I don't want to pull you too far in either direction. I can't…I just-"

"I don't care," I said, a period at the end of each of my words. "Alice, tell me. Tell me right now or I'll…I'll-"

"Jump out the window? Strangle yourself with the sheets? Drown in the bathtub?"

I nodded nearly imperceptibly.

Then something happened that I hadn't ever seen before, that I had never expected to see. Alice fell onto my bed, and if she could have cried, she would have. "Oh Bella," she whimpered, grasping my hand, "It can't be true, can it?"

"What? What?" I couldn't be kept this way for much longer. "Alice, what did you see?"

"He'll come back," she whispered, "Soon."

She watched my face surely light up like a vampire in the sun, my eyes going as wide as a human watching one. She grabbed my wrists, keeping my joy inside. "Bella, listen to me. I can't bear to see you disappointed again. The Volturi will take him. They will torture him; turn him into one of their mindless drones. He will not be Edward anymore Bella, he won't be yours."

I couldn't believe her. My eyes glazed over with hateful tears. I wrenched my hands from her sympathetic grip. "You're wrong." I hissed.


	6. Chapter 6: Come Here Boy

"The time has come, Edward

_"The time has come, Edward. I am not foolish. I know that I have been saving no one but myself from this…even I can admit it. But now, it is time. Come near, my child," his powdery skin stretched across his knuckles as the ancient winked his fingers at his protégé. Though his skin appeared a touch away from crumbing into dust, his power was the most feared. The beautiful boy knew that he had no choice._

_He took 4 labored steps to where his leader sat, an unmoving sculpture upon his cathedra, and offered his own hand in tribute. The chalky fingers barely touched his palm, but he could feel every inch of his brain being pried apart, throwing him through memory after memory. These were things that he didn't want to remember, even at such an impossible speed. He cried out in pain, dropping to his knees and withdrawing his hand, only to raise it upwards once again in directed frustration. Surely if one had a soul, one wouldn't be subjected to such misery._

_"Such pain…such pain," the statue spoke, parting ghostly lips to whistle his musings. "It is, indeed, as terrible as I had thought."_

_The boy turned his anguished, tearless face towards his master. His eyes sank deep into his face, the thirst only his least concern at this moment. Her heartbeat. Her eyes. Her scent. All the things he struggled to forget. Now they were scraped, struck at the sides of his head, too far forward to ignore anymore._

_"My child, this we cannot have." _


	7. Chapter 7 It Should Be Me

It had been a few weeks since Alice's terrified confession, and whether intentionally or less so, I'd been acting slightly more

It had been a few weeks since Alice's terrified confession, and whether intentionally or less so, I'd been acting slightly more normal. Consequently, the Cullens decided that it was safe to leave me alone, at least some of the time. I still got an escort around school, a dinner guest each night and five speed dials at my ready finger, but I got more time to myself. Predictably, I spent most of my time puzzling over Alice's vision.

Impossible. Edward was a pillar of self-control. Even though he considered himself a soulless conduit of evil, I knew that he couldn't be farther from the truth. In fact, pressed to identify someone truly good in this world, I would choose Edward, no doubt. I couldn't believe that even the Volturi, such a feared faction, could change him.

In the middle of one of my usual midday musings, sprawled backwards on my bed, head at the foot and feet at the head, a sharp knock shook me out of it. Charlie wasn't home yet. I hadn't even had the chance to open my mouth to ask who it was before the door flew open. Neither of us spoke while Jacob leaped onto the bed, crushing me to his chest.

He wrapped his arms around me, burying his head in my hair as it haloed around my head, "Oh Bella," he whispered

"Oof, Jake!" I grunted, struggling to get him off me. I might be strong enough to deal with the constant company of vampires, but a panting werewolf on top of me was a bit much. "Suffocating me here."

He rolled off of me, his lips shaped into a grin that turned down at the edges in embarrassment. "I tried calling…" he said quietly, looking towards the phone by my bed.

"I know."

"And I would have come to see you, but those bloodsuckers were always hanging around…and I…I just…"

"It's okay, Jake," I said, patting his shoulder, "I wouldn't have been much company anyways."

"So he really did it, did he? After all that…"

"Shut up." His arms had drifted lazily to circle themselves around my waist and I broke free from them in contempt, hauling myself off the bed in a way that would have made him laugh, had he not been so hurt. He took a deep breath - bare chest rising and falling across the streaks of light the window threw across my bed – and narrowed his eyes at me.

"Oh come on Bells. You can't seriously still be defending him. What the hell does he have to do to make you hate him?" His voice betrayed him before his words did.

I mumbled, almost too quiet for him to hear, the answer that he didn't want. "He did it to protect me."

I watched his arms shake, his lips purse, and his eyes widen. "To protect you? TO PROTECT YOU?"

For the first time ever, despite my dalliances with vampires and other creatures of the like, I was terrified of my friend. I recognized the rage that was burbling from his heart, echoing through his hollow bones. I knew that my best friend, Jacob Black, would never hurt me, but I wasn't so sure about this half-controlled, half-dressed boy on my bed. I took a step back as he twisted my bedspread in his platter-sized hands.

"Take it easy, dog," Emmett was in my door, top lip curled back in a snarl. Alice was not far from him. When I turned to look back at Jake, he was gone, my curtains flapping in the slight wind.

"You disappeared," Alice offered in explanation. She walked over to me, "Everything okay?"

I sighed, swiping my face with my hand in an effort to clean myself of the drama, "As normal as it can get when your best friend is a werewolf."


	8. Chapter 8 Each Coming Night

Will you say when I'm gone away:

_Will you say when I'm gone away:_

_"My lover came to me and we'd lay_

_In rooms unfamiliar but until now."_

_Will you say to me when I'm gone:_

_"Your face has faded but lingers on_

_Because light strikes a deal with each coming night"_

_-- Sam Beam_

The Cullens pretend that they're still giving me my privacy, but I know better. I might not have vampire sharp senses, but I can tell when there were ice blocks of strength circling around my house at all hours. School is nearly over, summer offering the longest stretch of sunny days of the year, and I am more often than out without my vampire band during school. The whispers have faded in the past few months, and I only catch a few piteous glances a day. The entire world was starting to settle back into its rhythm…one without Edward.

But I refuse to snap into place. Alice had never been wrong. One day he'd be back for me, and with that knowledge, I am content to wait. I wile my days away with hobbies that I pick up and dropped like books with disappointing inside flaps. I had enough needle point pillows, knit hats, crocheted blankets, and embroidered seat covers to please even the crabbiest of grandmother's (I sent them to mine, just to test the point). I spend extra hours on homework, in case I have to go through with college after all…while I waited.

I try not to spend hours and hours struggling to remember him as I did in the beginning. His face in my mind is never as perfect as it deserves. Why bother? He'll be back with me soon. So that last day filled with white sheets and the musty smell of the wood cabin is filed away at the back of my head, or at least that's where I try to keep it. Some days I'm less successful than others.

Like today. The vampire guard kept inside by the bright sun, I've escaped. I kick the dirt around my car, trying so hard to convince myself to turn around and go back, but I know that I won't. I'm already so close…so close to walking up to the rusted front door and forcing the creaky knob clockwise. I look up and let it all come back to me…as if it's his hands propelling me towards the doorstep now, instead of my own impossible need.

I'm terrified to go in, terrified to go home. What if it's not what I remember? What if it ruins everything…breaks me down instead of building me up? But…what if it's exactly how it should? What if the blankets are still crinkled and mussed? What if it still smells like us? What if he's there?

Of course not. Of course he's not there. Alice would have seen that, she would never have kept it from me. She's been the most affected by his departure, besides me. She'd want to share in the joy together. She'd want to plan a coming home party. Don't be silly Bella; you know he's not going to be in there. At the very best, you'll be able to feel him again, but don't get your hopes up like that.

I take a deep breath of pine and wood before wrenching the door open. It's almost worse than I could take. Everything is still there from our hasty departure. Everything. An empty glass of water still waits for me at the kitchen table. An open DVD case still lies on the coffee table before the TV, something we'd never been able to get to. And maybe it's just my mind, but it would never play such cruel tricks, the white sheets still outline Edward's body.

I throw off my jacket and slip off my shoes before diving into the cotton. Oh god…it does still smell like him, as unlikely as that seems. I turn to my side and wrap the blankets around me; the only thing that's missing is him. "Edward," I whisper against the fabric.

"Bella," his voice comes from across the room, but he should be here with me.

"No…please don't do this," I moan to my head, sick of its tired delusions, its torturous desires. "I can't take it."

His voice is breaking now, no longer the perfection I choose to remember. "Oh Bella, I'm so sorry."

"No!" I'm screaming now, tears streaming down my face, eyes shut tight to what I'm sure is the reality: emptiness around me, nothing but thin air. "I can wait, I really can. Just don't hurt me like this…don't make him seem so real when he's not here."

"Bella," the voice is stern, louder now and closer, "Open your eyes Bella, please."

"No."

"Bella," it's so realistic…I can feel his glacial wind breath against my face; it's almost enough to make me curl the sheets tighter around me. "Please Bella, I can't bare to see you like this for much longer."

"I don't want to remember."

"Bella!" I'm being shaken. I don't remember telling myself to shake. In the jostle, my eyelids fall open.

Edward. There's no alternate reality. The closest thing to real I have is that my porcelain god is gripping my arms, torture in his eyes.

In his blood red eyes.

"Edward," I don't have anything else to say. All I can do is wrap my arms around him. I can feel his lips against my cheek, whispering something I can't understand. He's speaking too fast, like he's trying to explain something too quickly for my human brain. All I get is "I'm sorry," before his lips part against my neck. Before my skin is ripped to shreds and the scent of blood fills the air. My blood.


	9. Chapter 9 All I Want

_All I want to do is fall in love with you_

_Every problem that we have_

_I want the good, I want the bad_

_And all I want to do is fall in love with you_

_Everything I did was wrong_

_Everything you said was true_

_I've been hiding way too long_

_All I really want is you_

_-- Jude_

I'm awake for the first time in what feels like years. The room I discover beyond my eyelids is familiar, yet strange. I'm in Edward's room, but on top of the same colored paint and wall of glass, there are a million things I've never seen before. I stare at a shimmering something floating in the light of the windows for a minute, marveling in its beauty, before I realize that it's just a piece of dust. Instead of a general sense of lightness around the room, the sun exploding through the windows throws a rainbow around the entire room.

I haven't been here since he left. There's a pain in my chest, like my heart is ripping from that thought. Why am I here now? Surely Alice wouldn't be cruel enough to bring me here. Well…I assume that it was Alice but…to tell the truth, I can't remember much of anything. It feels like there's a hole in my head, and everything in the near past just fell through it.

Suddenly I hear voices, clear and sharp, but they're nowhere near me, that I can tell. I can hear footsteps downstairs, pacing up and down. I hear each word, each distinct voice, as if Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Esme were standing just beside me. My heart ripped an inch more as the one voice I was trying to ignore became too clear to do so anymore. Edward. What was going on?

I bring my hands up to rub my eyes, the confusion building on top of the strange sensation of merely looking around, smelling around. It's too much. I hear everything, I see everything, I smell everything, and I'm thinking everything. I open my eyes tentatively, pulling my hands back. My palms are snow white. I've always been pale, but…

"OH MY GOD!" I can't help it. Even my voice is heavenly.

They're up in less than a second. Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, Esme, Carlisle and…him. Everything comes rushing back to me like an avalanche. But right now I'm too distracted by him. My hazy, unfocused human eyes reduced his beauty to first grade sentences. Seeing him this way was Shakespearean.

I'm not used to moving so fast, but my instincts brought me to him before I knew it. I throw my arms around his neck, not cold anymore, just like me. I swear he falters for less than a moment before doing the same. I can hear the love, but I hear more of the anguish when he breathes, "Bella," against my neck.

"Oh Edward, I missed you so much. Don't ever leave me again. I swear I won't be as kind to myself."

He bites his lip, pulling away, "H-how…how can you still care for me?"

For a split second, I take that as meaning he doesn't still care. It hurts more than any of my clumsy accidents ever did. But then I see the weakness around his eyes. I won't take any self-loathing on this great day. "How could I not? Edward, please-"

"I was selfish. I…I…I BIT YOU, BELLA! I TURNED YOU INTO A MONSTER!" By the time his voice rose, the rest of the Cullens had stepped out. I'm sure that they've been dealing with a similar miserable vampire for the past 3 days. "All because I couldn't bear to live without you…all because-"

"Edward, first, put all that crap out of your head, because I still love you. As inexplicable as that is, it's true. Second…an explanation? I mean…if there is one."

"Of course there is an explanation," he takes a deep breath, looking around the room. How he can do that without being distracted by all the dust ballerinas beats me. "Aro was hesitant to read me, for a while, because anyone with eyes could see the pain I was in. But apparently, he is a bit fairer than anyone believed. Once he read me and saw the…agony…he decided that I was no good to him so distracted and resistant, and allowed me back…under one condition."

"That you change me."

"Immediately. I wasn't completely sure how he could regulate that, but I wasn't going to take my chances. I tried to explain before…but I was so scared. With everything I've done to your fragile heart, I couldn't bear to see the Volturi do more. I'm so sorry, Bella. If I could have done anything-"

"You would. I know you would. Please, don't apologize anymore. You're here. I'm here…forever, and for the most part unscathed. This should be a happy day."

I see the sorrys collecting around his lips before he silences them. "I love you…much more than is safe," he grins, kissing my nose.

"And I wouldn't have it any other way."

* * *

**A/N: So this is the end! Sorry it kind of lost steam at the end...I'm really not sure what happened :P Stay tuned though, I've got an Edward/Original Character Who's Not a Whiny Little Thing coming up soon! Thanks for all the reviews!**


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